Goals and Resolutions

I read a book this month called The Happiness Project (author's blog found here) and while some of it was fluffy nonsense, much of it was quite good. But she mentioned that she differentiates between a goal and a resolution. Which was a concept I found interesting.  Goals  are things you work to achieve. They have a specific point in which you can check it off.  In my case, running another half-marathon and getting my CPR certification are goals. On the other hand, resolutions are ideas you want to incorporate or things you want to do regularly. Daily scripture study and finding the joy in motherhood are resolutions.

As I think about it, I can't say that one or there other is more important.  Goals are finite and at times very satisfying because we do get to the point where we can look back and say "Hey! Look at what I did! I made this cake/ran this race/learned this language/earned this degree."  It's great to be able to have resume material. And most goals require  some sort of resolutions to reach them.  You have to practice regularly to reach the goal.  Without the goal it can be really hard to keep doing the boring, day-to-day parts. Practicing a musical instrument everyday is a lot easier when you know you have a performance coming up. Deadlines make great motivators.

But goals in and of themselves can't really change us has human beings. It isn't so much running the race that I feel proud of.  It's the work I put in that makes me proud.  It's being able to put a name to what I feel has changed in me.  When I ran a half marathon I felt like that made me an athlete for the first time in my life.  But the half marathon itself didn't make me an athlete.  The fact that I ran several times a week (and enjoyed it) made me an athlete.  While getting CPR certified is a good goal, what I actually care about is being the kind of person who can help others in an emergency.

The downside to goals is that once you accomplish a goal, there's a little bit of a let-down; a kind of "now-what" feeling.  You either have to set your sights even higher than before (which doesn't always seem appealing after working really hard on one thing for a long time) or you have to decide to change directions completely (which makes me feel like I'm going to lose all the ground I gained in the first area.)

On the other hand, once you have made a resolution part of you life, it's much less easily lost, and more easily altered to fit your current needs.  If your real desire is to be able to help people in an emergency, you don't have to stop at CPR certification. You can look into further levels, life guard certification, or even teaching the classes yourself, if that floats your boat.  If you want to be a good athlete, you don't stop at a half marathon, you can move to strength training, start hiking in the wood more, or take up swimming (if running a full marathon sounds as boring to you as it does to me.)

There really is no giant point I'm trying to make here. I was just musing on this and decided to type it all out.

A bit of an update

I was thinking earlier this week and realized I couldn't remember what all of my goals were, so I thought I should check in on them with the web and with myself.

1) The Joy of motherhood.

This has been getting lost lately.  We've got some big projects in the works that have required more of my time than Fuzzhead would like.  Treeleafy is pretty much fine so long as he's fed and has pooped lately, so he's been ok, but Fuzzhead has felt neglected. I need to work some more on our one-on-one time.  I tried a little more this week and he handled things much better. It was nice for me, too, to have some down-time to play cars or see what in the house is magnetic (fridge, strike-plates and door hinges are; sinks and door handles are not).

He has been great about helping with chores. On Thursday he earned a quarter for sorting all the laundry by himself. I usually have him help me for free, but for a quarter he was willing to do it all himself.  He also earned a dime at some point for helping me clean the walls. It's nice because we do work together and we have some chatting time while we work.

I also spent some time doing fun things with Lou-Lou. We have sort of a strained relationship sometimes; I need to spend more playtime with her.

2) Scripture Study

I've been getting it done most days, but getting up earlier is just not in the cards.  We even went to bed before 10:00 a couple of times, but I still couldn't get up before my kids. Part of that I blame on the kids. Treeleafy wakes about every 3 hours (5-6 at first, then 3 after that). And Fuzzhead likes to come in a snuggle in the middle of the night. That would be ok except he kicks the blankets off.  So about 2 hours after he comes in I have to take him back.  A couple of nights Fuzzhead stayed in bed and Treeleafy was super tired and I only had to get up once the whole night.  It was AMAZING. I still slept for 9 hours.

But it has been happening. I have noticed that as much as I love reading conference talks, I feel a different spirit in myself when I actually read the Standard Works.  I don't know if it's just because they are more familiar, or if there is something special in the ancient texts, but I feel more patient and willing to talk calmly to my kids.

3)Read 52 books.

This one is going well.  I love audio books. I've read 12 so far, though I finished my last one over a week ago.  I needed a break so I listened to some music instead of audio books for a while and watched some Netflix instead of reading.  (Sidenote, the Great British Baking Show should come with recipes.  Or maybe it's better it doesn't...)  However, I've almost finished listening to the Odyssey, and I've made some progress in East of Eden.  The writing in East of Eden is beautiful, but the story itself moves super slowly.  Still, gorgeous writing.

4) Run a half marathon.

Well, I did go running twice.  I need to work out more.  It's been put on the back burner for a while because of the previously mentioned big projects. It's been soooo wet and cold lately that I haven't even wanted to take the dog for a walk.  Fuzzhead doesn't even like walks. He gets bored.

5) CPR certification

Not yet.

6) Cheesecake

Not my birthday yet.

7) Call a friend

I have done this and it has been lovely.  I called a cousin for February and one of the first things she said was "did you mean to call me?"  Ha! Why yes, this was not a mis-dial or a butt-dial, I really did want to talk.  Granted I picked a terrible time, as everyone gets ready for dinner, but when is there a good time? She works, so during the day is out. Then its dinner, bath time and stories for kids and the sacred, kids-are-asleep-I-will-talk-to-my-spouse time.  I wouldn't want to interrupt that. But I called and while it was short it was nice to talk.  I will continue this.

There's my check in.

How are YOU doing?

Working through a slump

I'm sitting here thinking that I should be doing something to better myself, but I don't really want to.  I got two circuits into a workout this morning and quit because I just really didn't want to be doing it.  Not in a "wow this hurts can I be done yet?!" kind of way but in a "the next 20 minutes just seem boring and unpleasant kind of way." Somehow I totally missed that there was no school today, and didn't realize it until my daughter ( heretofore, Lou-Lou) came back from the bus stop and said no one was there so she went by our neighbor's and was told there was no school.  I still don't understand why, but its was on the district calendar so here we are.

So I was sitting there trying to figure out what to do with my three kids on a cloudy cool day when our budget is shot. 

We ended up doing two little science projects. One was about oxidation on pennies, which worked really well, and kept them entertained for quite a while cleaning pennies.  The other was about density in liquids which did not work nearly as well.  My corn syrup was dark syrup not light, so it was hard to tell the difference between that and its neighbors, honey and maple syrup.  And my dish soap was  more dense than my milk, so that didn't work either.  I actually had rubbing alcohol, but my food coloring didn't work on it, and Lou Lou squirted it in with a little too much vigor so it mixed with the water two layers down.  We decided to put it aside for while and see if it separates out at all. 

photos by Fuzzhead

Oh, and the baby cried through most of it.  This is why I don't think I could homeschool. Projects are fun, but I can't handle the stress of helping all three at once.

And here I am at 1:00 pm, Treeleafy is sleeping, the bigger kids are keeping themselves occupied, and I have time to do whatever.  I just don't really want to do anything.  Ennui, I suppose.  I have a couple of books, but they aren't really tripping my trigger right now. I was hopping the science projects would be a catalyst for productivity, but it didn't work out like that. Dinner is simple tonight (baked potatoes with broccoli and cheese sauce; lazy, satisfying and it has vegetables) so I don't need to do much to get that started.  

And here I sit. 

2017 Goals summary

I wrote a meandering post about my goals about a month ago, but I felt like I needed to write something that was a little more organized.

 

My first two are not SMART (Specific, Measurable, Agreed Upon, Realistic, Time-Based) But maybe I can reword them to make them more so.

1. Focus on the joy of mothering (ironically, I hear whining coming from downstairs as I write this and I'm having to take a couple of deep breaths before I deal with it.)
• Have a loose schedule to give us something fun to do every day. Walks, library day, play group, etc that lets me focus on my kids.
• Give my 3 year old (heretofore known as "Fuzzhead") some one-on-one time, at least 30 min sans cellphone, every day.  This should usually happen during the baby's (heretofore known as "Treeleafy") afternoon nap.
• Try to include Fuzzhead in my chores. He wants to earn money to buy upgrades to his apps (yes, seriously) so I told him he could do that by helping me with my chores.
2. Include Scripture Study in my daily routine.
• This includes reading the the LDS standard works, General Conference Talks, and Sunday School and Relief Society Manuals. 
• Can be completed at any time during the day, but I'd like to start getting up earlier to get in done first thing.  First I have to get myself to go to bed earlier.
• Perfection would be doing it every single day, but I just don't think I can do that. In High School and College I was amazing at this, but my time was my own. Anything I did I had, in one way or another, agreed to do and did so because I wanted to.  I have kids now and my time is not all my own.  So, I'm shooting for an average of 6 days/week by December.
3. Read 52 books
• This includes all of my own-but-haven't-read fiction
• Any of the above books I haven't read by the end of the year will be given to Good Will, because this is the second year I've had this goal. If I hadn't read them by the end of this year, I really don't care about them that much.
• One per week, this include audiobooks.
4. Run a half marathon, and include strength training.
• I plan on doing this towards the end of the year
• We (my husband really) got an adjustable weight kettle bell for Christmas, so if anyone has some good kettle bell workouts, let me know
5. CPR certification
• As I mentioned last month,  I have to wait until Treeleafy can go without me for a while before I can take care of this. 
• Usually MWR offers this 5 or 6 times I year, so I just need to call the gym and find out when.
6. Rock the Cheesecake
• Pretty self explanatory. Maiden Voyage for my birthday.
7. Call an old friend 
• I realized recently that Facebook actually kind of sucks for genuinely helping you keep in touch with friends.  It appraises you of the major happenings in each other's lives, but that's not where real relationships happen.  So, I decided to use my phone for its original purpose and call people. People do it so rarely now that unlimited Talk is the norm.
• At least once, maybe twice a month.
• If you get a call from me, it's not just to check this off the list, but because I like you and want to actually keep in touch.
• Also, if you might like to talk to me, live and in person on the phone, go ahead and send me your phone number in a private FB message  Don't leave it in a public forum, that's not safe.

There we go.  Should keep me busy.

What are you working on this year?

Looking toward 2017

I made a baby this year, so now I need to look at what I'm going to do for 2017.  I think mothering three kids is going to be a good place to start. But I need to do more than just mother.  Don't get me wrong, I like mothering and I genuinely feel like it is the most important thing I can be doing right now.  But if I'm being totallly honest, (which I am known for being, for better or for worse) I don't always find it to be wonderfully personally fulfilling. It's a long-haul project. Sure there are small victories here and there, but overall, there's a whole lot of boring going on.

Really, that's why I started this blog and my 40 by 40 goals.  The daily grind can get hypnotizing and frustrating.

So that is something I need to work on.  I need to find more joy in parenting.  This summer I put together a schedule to help that. It was mostly to add some structure to very long summer days with out resorting to TV a lot, but it also helped me stay involved with my kids.  (It actually turned out that we didn't need a much help filling our days.  We live in a great neighborhood where the kids started playing at around 10:00 AM and didn't stop until 8 or 9 o'clock, with occasional meal breaks.)  But my 3 year old is struggling with the new baby and not having Mommy's attention as much.  And I was so tired in the beginning that when the baby did sleep I just needed a nap and some time to regroup.  However, I have my first good sleeper, so I'm getting a decent night's sleep most of the time and I have some time in the afternoon that I can dedicate to projects.  We will have an art project day (coloring, paints, playdoh etc); a cooking day for bread, cookies or whatever; a science project day where we can do vinegar and baking soda or magnets or something like that; playgroup is on Thursday mornings, so that can count; we had a hiking day over the summer, but I'm not sure what to include for that... board games? hide and seek? He's a big hide and seek kid.  I also try to have him help me with whatever cleaning project I have for the day. I'm not really good at staying on schedule, but I find that having a cleaning schedule makes it more likely that things will happen eventually.

I also need some goals for my self.  I'm going to try again to get CPR certified.  I watched the schedule this year, but I had something else going on every weekend they offered the class. I also need to wait a couple more months, because it is a five or six hour class and I need to be able to leave my baby for that long before I sign up. But I really do want to get that taken care of.  I feel like its one of those skills that you hope you never have to use, but really want have if you need it.

My scripture study goal this year was to spend more time pondering and really thinking about the scriptures as I read. When I read, I focused on doing this and it really increase the personal fulfillment  I got out of my reading. The problem was that I was really, REALLY bad about regular scripture study. I only made it about 100 pages into the Book of Mormon this year.  I barely read all summer.

This year for Christmas I decided to try and focus more on the Savior by reading the Gospels in the four weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas.  We're only three weeks in, so I just started John today, but I have felt the difference, not only in how I feel about Christmas, but in my attitude about motherhood and even about the holiday to-do list.  Those things didn't feel like chores as much as they usually do. Instead it has been something I've looked forward to and enjoyed getting done.

I'm hoping that regular scripture study, while seeking out the Savior in the scriptures will help me hold on to this feeling.  I know it won't be a 24/7 thing.  We all have bad days, get grouchy and lose it sometimes. But I hope that I can recapture some of the love of life that I've felt lately.

I also want/desperately NEED to get back to a fitness routine.  I walked while I was pregnant, but I really want to go run.  Yes, I WANT to go run.  I still can't get over that that's me saying that.  It would help if the weather would warm up a little. I'm thin blooded now and don't like running when it's in the 30's.  I think I would like to run another half marathon this year. The only problem is now I know what it feel like to run one, so I know what I'm getting myself into.  I really didn't like those last few miles.  But maybe if I train better I won't hate myself as much.

I think a large part of it is that I miss the hours I had alone while I was running. It was really nice to just be with me and my audio book.  I also really miss the internally clean feeling you get when you run yourself a little ragged and sweat a ton.  Stretching after a run like that feel sooooo good. *sigh* I might have to hit the treadmill tomorrow.  I hate the treadmill.

The other big 40 goal I want to accomplish this year: Learn to make a really good cheesecake. I plan on starting by making a cheesecake for my birthday cake.  If I'm going to be practicing this one, I'm really going to have to start running. :)

I made a Baby!

I have to keep reminding myself of that the I start to feel down.  I did build, and am still providing aaaalll of the supplies for continuing to build, a human being. That has blown my mind more than once over the last few months.  It really hit me when I was planting and harvesting in my little garden this summer.  Someone plants a seed. Into dirt! We add some water and some sunlight and through a rather complex process that little seed takes the water and dirt, takes all the pieces apart and rearranges them into a plant! And then that plant, in some sort of programmed effort to make more of itself, makes edible bits. From Dirt! Then we take those edible bits, made from re-arranged dirt-stuff, and we eat them.  Our bodies deconstruct them again and use them to make pieces of us.  For pregnant women it turns them into an entire organ (the placenta), and magic feeding tube, and an entire human being.

Then the baby gets pushed out, which is another miracle all together.

And NOW. Instead of turning that dirt-food into a new human body, it turns it into another food! A food designed for my mini human, which he is somehow instinctually able to extract from my body.

Dirt becomes Baby. We really are made from the dust of the earth.
...
...
...

I have a lot time to marvel with my every-45-minute eating baby.


The other thing I marvel at is how much we love these little lumps. When they are first born they literally offer us nothing but pain. Sore nether regions, lack of REM cycles, fluctuating hormones, and sore, occasionally bleeding nipples makes it seem like "love" would be the least likely emotion for us to feel for the cause of those problems.  And they offer nothing for the first few weeks. They don't interact, they can't even really see us that well. And yet we love. We hold, comfort and smell them. We stare at them while they sleep. Marvelous.

Supplementary recipes.

We had a really good Sunday dinner this week and I felt like sharing the recipes.  Nothing too fancy, butternut squash soup and chicken salad sandwiches.  But they were really good.

Chicken salad here  I didn't have poultry seasoning, so I looked up what is in poultry seasoning and just threw in a couple dashes of each.

Butternut squash soup I didn't have marjoram so I used Thyme instead.  Also, cut the cream cheese in half, otherwise you get cream cheese soup with squash.

I halved both the recipes because I don't want to deal with a lot of left overs right now.

Cheers.